Annoying Carlotta
by the-Mad-Majesty-of-Muchness
Summary: My friends and I decide that to celebrate Bree's up-coming birthday, we're going to spend the day annoying a certain off-key Prima Donna...HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BREMELA!
1. Sophistication and Birthday Plans

**WARNING/AN:  
**

**THIS IS A COMPLETE**

**AND TOTAL **

**CRACK-FIC! **

**PLEASE PROCEED**

**WITH EXTREME CAUTION.**

**MAY CONTAIN, BUT IS NOT LIMITED to, THE FOLLOWING:**

**1. FIYERABA FLUFFLE**

**2. BESSA FLUFFLE**

**3. ME AND MY FRIENDS LINDA, RYLEE, AND BREE AND/OR OUR INSANITY**

**4. EDGAR ALLAN POE REFS. **

**5. TWILIGHT SAGA REFS.**

**6. NANCY DREW REFS.**

**7. (A) MARY SUE(S)**

**8. (A) GARY STU(S)**

**9. UTTER NONSENSE**

**10. CRAP THAT MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL  
**

**11. COMPLETE AND TOTAL RANDOMNESS**

**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!**

**THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME **

**AND HAVE A NICE DAY! **

**LOVE YA!**

**-MAGGIE :P **

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BREMELA! THIS ONE'S FOR YOU, GIRL! *hugs & gives giant Wicked birthday cake w/ candles & a present*

* * *

**One day, Maggie, Bree, Linda, and Rylee were in an old fashioned garden that looked like it belonged with a fancy house out of a Victorian era movie.

They had on matching vintage Gunne Sax prairie style dresses with high white lace collars and sheer sleeves that went to their wrists. The dresses were lilac covered with pink roses and brushed the floor when the girls held them on their hangers.

They were also wearing matching make-up and jewelry. Their necklaces were simple chokers; a cameo with a green background on a black velvet band. The rings that each girl was wearing on her right ring finger had a gold setting and were cameos of roses on pink backgrounds.

Each girl was wearing shimmery emerald green eyeshadow, black eyeliner and mascara, and bright red lipstick in a shade called "Wicked," just like their favorite musical, which was why they liked it and were wearing it. They all had just the tiniest hint of rose pink blush tinting their cheeks.

They wore old-fashioned white lace-up ankle boots with 1 1/4 inch heels-they were basically Pragues, but instead of black, blue, or brown, the girls had somehow gotten hold of white ones.

Maggie's dyed black hair was pulled into a loose, purposely sloppy braid with a rose pink ribbon tied on the end. The other girls had matching braids with ribbons of different colors; Bree's was lilac, Linda's was pale yellow, and Rylee's was pale blue.

They were sitting in a white gazebo that had pink, red, yellow, and white roses growing up one of the supporting wooden columns, orange blossoms, lilacs, and freesia in various colors on another, morning glories in various colors and shades on the third, and on the last one, lilies-of-the-valley.

They were sitting in antique white wicker chairs with floral patterned cushions around a circular table with a beautiful vintage table cloth over it that had lace on the edges.

There was a white tea set with pink roses painted on the various pieces of the set sitting on the table and the girls were having a "sophisticated party of sophistication," which was really just their ridiculous, personal way of saying vintage themed tea party, hence everything being either vintage or antique.

They each had vintage white napkins and hankies with lace on the edges, and the lace on each girl's napkin and hankie matched the ribbon in her hair.

"So," Maggie said in an imitation of a British accent, lifting her tea cup from its saucer. The thing was though, that she was so good at imitating voices and accents, that it sounded real, and if the others didn't know any better, they'd say she really was British.

"Miss Bree." Bree looked up. She'd been stirring her tea, trying to dissolve the sugar she'd just put into it. "Yes, Miss Maggie?" she replied, also speaking as if she were British.

They were all pretending that they were from nineteenth century England and were "sophisticated young ladies with proper manners," as they liked to put it. Maggie always liked to imagine that they had just stepped right out of a Jane Austen book. _Pride and Prejudice,_ maybe, which she was currently reading.

"I understand that your birthday is coming up next week, is that correct?" Maggie asked, setting her cup down.

"Yes, I seem to recall hearing that as well," Linda said. Bree set her spoon down on the edge of her saucer. "That's right," she told them, "A week from...oh, about two or three days ago, I suppose."

"Well, then we must make plans immediately!" Rylee said eagerly. "Perhaps we could, oh, I don't know, go on a trip down the rabbit hole to Underland and visit Alice and the Hatter! Or Miss Maggie could use her new magical ablities to take us to Oz, and we could visit Miss Elphaba and Master Fiyero!"

"Yes, you're right!" Linda agreed. "Perhaps we might even be able to go to Hogwarts and bother Proffessor Snape with Ron and Harry!"

"Why not go to Forks and visit with the Cullens and wolves?" Maggie asked, though she knew in her heart it was a lost cause. Sure enough, the others all agreed they didn't want to.

Even though she was disappointed, Maggie tried not to let it show, or allow her heart sink too much, though she knew it was going to sink at least a bit, anyway.

"What about if we go annoy Charlie?" Linda suggested. "The Unicorn?" Bree asked. "No," Linda said sarcastically, "of course not. I meant Charlie the Magical Flying Rainbow Hippie Hobo Kumquat. _Yes,_ Charlie the Unicorn, who did you _think_ I meant?"

"Calm down, no arguing," Maggie said, ever the peace-keeper. "I for one vote that we go irritate Señora Gudiccelli out of her wits!" Bree announced.

"I know that it _is_ your birthday we're talking about," Linda said, "but what if she _sings?"_ There was a beat of silence as the girls looked around at each other.

"Well," Maggie said slowly as she put a spoonful of sugar into her tea and began stirring. "We could always just stuff cotton balls into our ears. Or, perhaps, sing right back at her?"

"Yes, but you're actually a _good _singer, Maggie," Rylee countered. "She's not."

Maggie fell silent for several moments while the other girls continued throwing out suggestions, all the while keeping up the British accents.

Maggie slowly and quietly stirred the sugar into her tea, her hazel eyes cast downwards. She watched the liquid swirl around and around in her cup. _"Like a whirlpool,"_ she thought. _"A small, brown whirlpool. Hm...I wonder if..."_

She smiled and looked up. "I've got it," she said. The others went silent and turned to look at her. "Well?" Linda asked. "What is it, then?"

"Out with it!" Rylee added. "Well..." Maggie began as she bit into a Danish butter cookie. She chewed slowly, just for the sake of torturing her friends with anticipation as they stared at her with wide eyed curiosity.

"Hurry up!" Bree cried. Maggie set the cookie down on her plate.

"I was just thinking...We _can_ still annoy Señora, you know. We'd have to stuff cotton balls in our ears, mind you, like I said earlier, but with what I have in mind, it'll probably be well worth it."

"Go on."

Maggie looked at each of her friends in turn, still smiling.

"Anybody got a Punjab lasso?"

* * *

**AN: What have I got planned for Bree's birthday celebration that could POSSIBLY involve Carlotta Guddiccelli and a Punjab lasso? Hm...Let's just say that to pull this off, we'll need the help of a certain trio from a certain place whose, uh...unofficial leader, I guess is the best term, is a certain green girl...*grins mischievously* Keep guessing, my pretties, keep guessing. Bremela, (Bree's FF pen name) let me know in a PM EXACTLY what day your birthday is on and how old you're going to be, and I promise to try my best to have the next chappie up by your actual b-day! I know I told you it was going to be a one shot, but then I actually started writing it, and it just sort of evolved into what I have here, and "Anybody got a Punjab lasso" just seemed like something for chapter ending, so...*shrugs* Also, idk if your a fan of Phantom of the Opera, or if you've even seen it-though I'm going to assume you have, cuz, c'mon, it's Phantom-but I've been re-reading "Phantom of the Opera on FACEBOOK" again, so...*shrugs* Yeah. Hope you like it, Brem! And you too, everybody else!**

**xoxo with extra love and a b-day hug (hey, that rhymed!) for Bremela/Bree,**

**Maggie & the Gang**

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters mentioned...except for myself...and Bree, Linda, and Rylee own themselves, respectively. The other characters mentioned belong to their respectful owners, as do the places. I DO, however, actually own a thing of bright red lipstick, the shade of which really is called Wicked, no joke, as well as a vintage Gunne Sax dress from the early 80's that I just got yesterday along with an awesome green hippie-looking shirt (which i'm wearing right now!) and that...uh..._just happens _*coughcough* to be identical to the one's we're wearing...*coughcough* WHAT? No, of COURSE I didn't deliberately make our dresses exact copies of-Eh, forget it, you caught me red-handed. Oh, I also own a severe case of A.D.O.S. What's that? You wanna know what it stands for? It stands for Attention Deficit-OOOOOOH, SHINY!...Wait, what were we talking about?**

**Wow. Longest. Disclaimer. EVER. And I don't think I've EVER rambled that much in an AN before, and lemme tell ya'll, I have had some DOOZIES. Buy you know what? Who cares? I am going to shut up now. *chases shiny object*  
**


	2. The Jellicle Opera House

**AN: OMG I want to apologize to everyone, ESPECIALLY BREE, for not posting lately! I've been grounded and now I'm sick and-pardon my French, but-feel like absolute SHIT. I just can't believe I didn't get to post on Bree's actual birthday, and I feel completely horrible about it! So, this chapter is to make up for it all (it seemed kind of long to me when I was writing it and I'm hoping the length will make up for my absence) and I hope you can all forgive me. Happy belated birthday, Bree! I'm so happy that you're finally getting to see Wicked! I swear on my honor as a fanatic that it will take your breath away, and if it doesn't, I will let you slap me. *sigh* Yes, I know this chapter is kind of sad, but I promise that the crack-ness of this crack fic will really get going hopefully in the next chapter and, yes, Elphaba and Fiyero will be arriving soon. I promise to have next chapter up by the end of the day! If you feel the length doesn't make up for my absence, then maybe posting more than one chapter in the same day will! I hope you enjoy, and again, I apologize deeply, my pretties! Now, if you'll excuse me, I must get to work on the next chappie whilst I feel shitty and drink Dr. Pepper.**

**xoxo with love, hugs, and COUNTLESS aplogies,**

**Maggie & the Gang**

* * *

"Are we there yet?" Rylee asked for what was probably the nine bazillionth time. "No," the others chorused in irritation.

They were all in their normal, everyday casual clothes and speaking in their normal voices as they wandered around Paris in search of the Opera Populaire. They weren't having much luck finding it, though.

"Maggie, I thought you said your dad took French in college and grew up with slight French influences in his life!" Bree said.

"Yeah, and that sometimes he uses it for fun around the house!" Linda added. Maggie sighed and, for the umpteenth time that day, clarified for them; "Yes, he did, and he does. But that doesn't mean that my brother and I actually understand any of it or know any of it ourselves!"

"But you said your brother uses it, too!" Rylee whined.

"He pays more attention to it than I do," Maggie explained, "and he actually has read some books or something about it. Besides, he hardly ever does it, and he still can't understand half of what my dad says. All I understand is 'bonjour' and 'au revoir' for the most part. Anything else is pretty much a lost cause on me.

"I speak more Spanish than French, guys. I told you that already. Other than English, Spanish is the language I'm most fluent in, though I can speak a miniscule amount of Italian, or as I like to say simply because I like the way it sounds more, Italiano."

"Yeah, yeah, 'mi burro es el fuego, la tua cantante,' we've heard it all before!" Linda complained as stepped over an old glass bottle laying on the sidewalk.

"But we're in Paris-freaking-France," she continued, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "We're not in Spain looking at paintings of Ferdinand and Isabella, or Mexico visiting Santa Anna's whatever, and we're not in Venice riding a gondala down the Grande Canal!"

Maggie sighed, stopping in front of her friends and looking down at her scuffed up black low rise Converse shoes from Delia's with the blue-and-purple dip-dye laces. She stared absently at one of the many sharpie doodles on the white toes of the shoes.

"I know," she said quietly, not looking up. "It's just..." Maggie trailed off and shook her head. Bree, who, of the other three girls, was closest to her, stepped up to her, laying a hand on her shoulder.

"I appreciate what you're doing, Maggie," she said, trying to sound as reassuring as she could. "It really means a lot to me that you would come all this way _just_ so we can have fun and celebrate my birthday together, it really does.

"But we don't have to go any farther. We can just turn back now and forget about it, I don't mind. Honestly, just being with you guys is enough. Having my friends with me, and having fun like we always do...that's the best birthday present any of you guys could give me, whether we're going to see Wicked, taking Fiyero hostage, or...or even just sitting around with a bunch of hobos all day."

This got a small grin from Maggie, who'd always been partial to hobos. She was always saying how she "watched way to much iCarly."

"If we're together, and we're having fun...I couldn't ask for a better birthday...unless, of course we were going to see Wicked together. _That_ would be pretty awesome."

Maggie nodded. "Yeah, it would." She sighed again and sat down on the steps leading up to the large building they had stopped in front of. Bree followed her example and sat next to her. Maggie held her head in her hands.

"It's just..." she sighed yet again, "I wanted to make today really, _really_ special for you. I mean, yeah we do completely random and insane stuff everyday, and I'll admit that there have been times we probably shouldn't have followed through with our plans." The other girls laughed a little as Rylee and Linda joined them on the steps.

"But I wanted today to be different, if even just by a little bit," Maggie continued. "I wanted to take our usual stuff to the next level and do something _extra uber mega_ pointless and, yes, even worthless, but fun in its own way...in _our_ way, _our_ definition of fun. Instead I ruined everything."

"Oh, you didn't ruin things, Mags!" Linda said. "Yeah," Rylee chimed in. "You just screwed up, that's all. Really badly, but still, you didn't ruin it."

Bree and Linda glared at her. "What?" she asked obliviously.

Maggie shook her head as she stood up. "Thanks guys," she said, "but you don't have to make me feel better. This was a dumb idea, I never should've suggested it in the first place. Let's just go home and...play 'A Hundred and One Ways to Kill the Carp' or something. I've had enough disappointment for one day."

She put the hood of her jacket on and stuffed her hands into her pockets as she began to make her way back in the direction they'd come from, head down. The others got up to follow, but something in Rylee's peripheral vision caught her eye and she turned to see what it was.

Her jaw dropped and she stood there staring at the thing, looking rather a lot like a complete and total...well...brainless Fiyero in shock.

Linda paused and looked over her shoulder. "C'mon, Lee," she said, waving her arm for Rylee to follow. "You heard what Maggie said, let's go."

Rylee didn't hear her.

Frustrated, Linda turned and went back, grabbing her friend's wrist. "Rylee! Come on, I said let's-Woah." She froze when she saw what Rylee was staring at and joined her in looking like a BFMiS (Brainless Fiyero Moron in Shock).

Maggie and Bree, meanwhile, were almost a good twenty feet away before either of them realized that their friends were no longer behind them. It was Bree who noticed first.

They were walking side-by-side, but when she realized there was only empty air behind them, Bree stopped walking. "Hey, Maggie?" she said. Maggie paused and looked over her shoulder, her hair almost hiding her face.

"Yeah, Bree?"

"Have you noticed something...odd?"

Maggie turned around all the way, shaking her head, her face confused. "No. Why?"

"Linda and Rylee aren't following us."

"What? I thought they were right behind us."

"So did I, but then I realized that I didn't have that feeling of having somebody walking right behind my back close enough that I could reach back and touch them if I wanted. I also realized that I didn't hear any footsteps. Think we should go back and look for them?"

Maggie noodded slowly, her expression still confused. "Yeah...good idea." So that's exactly what they did.

When they found their friends twenty feet away, still staring open-mouthed at the thing, jaws on the floor, they were more confused than ever.

"Guys! What the shiz?" Bree demanded. She got no reply. "Rylee, Linda? Hey, shut your mouths, will you, bugs are gonna get in there!"

Still nothing.

This time, Maggie, who by that point wanted nothing more than to simply return home, snapped in front of their faces.

"Yo!" she said, "Guys! Maggie to Earth! _Come in Earth!" _

Maggie and Bree looked at each other and shrugged. "Should we try singing?" Bree suggested. "Like what?" Bree shrugged. "I dunno, you tell me. You're the one who just got _Cats_ and_ Into the Woods_ on DVD, what about something from one of those? Like 'Memory' or something.

Maggie sighed, but decided it was worth a shot, so she sang (chanted, really, considering what song she'd picked) the first thing that came to mind. Bree joined in at the end of the first verse, picking up the lyrics quickly.

"_The naming of cats is a difficult matter_

_It isn't just one of your holiday games_

_You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter_

_When I tell you a cat must have three different names_

_First of all, there's the name that the family use daily_

_Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo, or James_

_Such as Victor, or Jonathan, George, or Bill Bailey_

_All of them sensible, everyday names_

_There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter_

_Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames_

_Such as Plato, Admetas, Electra, Demeter_

_But all of them sensible, everyday names_

_But I tell you a cat needs a name that's particular_

_A name that's peculiar and more dignified_

_Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular_

_Or spread his whiskers, or cherish his pride?_

_Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum_

_Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Coricopat_

_Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum_

_Names that never belong to more than one cat_

_But above and beyond, there's still one name left over_

_And that is the name you never will guess_

_The name that no human research can discover_

_But that he himself knows and will never confess_

_When you notice a cat in profound meditation_

_The reason, I tell you, is always the same:_

_His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation_

_Of the thought_

_Of the thought_

_Of the thought_

_Of his name_

_His ineffable effable effanineffable_

_Deep and inscrutible singular name."_

They stood and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

...

Finally, Rylee said, "Opera Populaire." as if she was in auto-pilot mode and had been pre-programmed to do so.

Maggie sighed. "Yeah, I know I screwed up and we didn't find the opera house. Can we go now?"

"Opera Populaire." Rylee repeated.

"I know, Rylee, shut up!" Maggie screeched.

"No, Maggie, I think she means..." Bree trailed off as she turned around. Suddenly, her face lit up with joy.

"MAGGIE, THIS IS IT!" she screamed, jumping up and down. Maggie cocked her head. "Huh?"

Bree grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her around so that she was facing the building. "OMIGOD, BREE! IT'S THE OPERA POPULAIRE!" she yelled happily.

"YOU DID IT, MAGGIE! YOU FOUND THE OPERA HOUSE!"

"What are you talking about, I didn't do anything!"

"Yes you did!" Bree insisted, hand still on Maggie's shoulders as she looked deeply into her friend's hazel eyes.

"You led us here, Maggie. You sat down on the steps of the Populaire without even realizing that's what this place was. Don't you see? If it weren't for you, none of us would've thought to stop in front of this place and we'd just keep right on going. We'd probably never have found it if it weren't for you."

Maggie's eyes got wide as Bree's words sunk in.

"You did it," Bree repeated. "You did it!"

"Hurray for Maggie!" Rylee said. "Yaaaay!" Linda added.

Maggie smiled, wiping away the happy tears forming in her eyes.

"Well," she said, "in that case, let's go annoy Carlotta!" The others cheered in agreement and they turned to make their way up the steps.

* * *

**AN: Bree, Rylee, and Linda, if I am in any way, shape, and/or form portraying you inaccurately, please, PLEASE do not hesitate to tell me so in a review or PM, and tell me what I'm doing wrong so I can fix it ASAP. Also, in case any of you three haven't noticed this, I am EXTREMELY descriptive about anything and everything in my stories and JUST as nit-picky about the accuracy of my details. I would like to give descriptions of each of you, maybe even a thing or two you're wearing, but I have no clue what any of you look like! What bothers me most is hair and eye color. As you've probably noticed by now, I am CONSTANTLY using phrases like, for example, "her long dark hair fell over her shoulder like a blah blah blah," or, "his bright, piercing green eyes seemed to yaddah yaddah yaddah," so I would especially like to know your hair and eye colors, also is your hair curly, straight, is it long, is it short, do you wear it in a ponytail or a braid or do you just let it hang long and loose, that sort of thing. I'm also very particular about describing the _shade_ of objects, as weird as that sounds. Like, "her hair was the color of fire; bright flaming red with blah blah blah" and, as most of my readers know I like to do with Elphaba, "so-and-so looked into her eyes; they were a rich brown, the color of freshly over-turned earth with silver flecks of mica." So...you get the point. Okay, sorry, I'll stop rambling now and just...yeah...*blushes bright pink***

**-Maggie & the Gang**

**Disclaimer: Let me check...*checks* Nope. Opera Populaire and Carlotta, still not mine. *weeps*  
**


	3. Operation Colorful Carlotta

**AN: I know I promised to have this up yesterday, but I wanted to try to make it as long as possible to make up for my long absence! Oh, my trio of friends who are in this insane adventure of a story with me, you all sound so beautiful in the descriptions you sent me and I wish so badly we could meet in real life! When Linda told me she's Asian, I got this picture of Tina from Glee in my head and I was like, "WTF? What does Tina have to do with Linda?" *giggles* In case you couldn't tell last chapter, I watched CATS recently, and I also watched Into the Woods, and now Lin and I are having an ongoing discussion about Bernadette Peters and how she looks like Helena Bonham Carter's identical twin! Does anybody else agree with us? I mean, I swear to god, just look at the woman and TELL me she does not look EXACTLY like Helena! IT IS RIDICULOUS! Oh, look at me, I'm rambling again! I guess I better stop, huh?  
**

**xoxo,**

**Maggie & the Gang  
**

* * *

As the quartet of girls reached the top of the steps and approached the door, a female voice from inside the shadows of a nearby pillar spoke, startling them.

"So, I see you finally decided to show up," the voice said, dripping with sarcasm. "About time. We were beginning to think that either you'd bailed on us, or you were just playing some stupid teenage prank or something."

"Not _all_ teenagers are into that stuff, you know," Linda said. "Take us for example. We prefer sitting around, writing fic all day for no reason other than we just _can."_

"Yeah," Rylee agreed. "If it weren't for the teenagers like us, your fandom would be basically non-existent," she said, shrugging. The others nodded.

"So you could at _least_ have a bit of respect and treat us like we're mature." Linda said. "Which we _are,"_ Maggie added. Then the four paused and looked at each other. "Well...for the most part..." she corrected herself.

"Mature enough?" Bree suggested.

"Mature enough to at least get our homework done in time to turn in?" Linda asked. "Yeah, let's go with that."

"Oh, for the love of..." the voice said, groaning. "Do you four _ever_ shut up?" The girls looked at each other, then back towards the voice.

"No," they chorused.

A feminine shape in a black hooded cloak emerged from the pillar's shadow. "Of course not," the figure said, raising its arms to lower the hood of the cloak.

"Because you don't have enough common _sense!"_

The girls found themselves looking at the face of a rather irritated Elphaba Thropp. For a moment, they just stood there, watching each other.

...

"Did you bring the stuff?" Maggie asked.

Elphaba sighed and gave a characteristic eyeroll. "Oz," she muttered to herself, "attention span of a-_Yes,_ I brought it!" she said.

...

"Did you bring the people?"

"Oh, for the love of-"

"Here we are!" another female voice said, this one much cheerier and bubblier (no pun intended..._or is it? _*creepy music/lightning flash*)

Another feminine shape came skipping happily out of the shadows, this one already with her hood down, blonde curls bouncing. Glinda. "Hi, girls!" she said brightly, waving at the quartet. "Hi, Glinda!" Maggie said as she waved back.

"I think she pulled my arm out of my socket," Fiyero said. Glinda had dragged him out of the shadows along with her, and they all knew that despite her small size, she was not one to be messed with.

Maggie and Bree wouldn't have been surprised if Fiyero turned out to be right.

Speaking of Maggie, she nodded. "Great" she said. "So, we all know the plan, right?"

"Right," everyone said.

"Good. Let's go sneak around back so we can change into our costumes without being seen." Elphaba nodded.

"Good idea."

So they all snuck around back.

* * *

Insert-random-amount-of-time-here later...

_Inside Carlotta Gudiccelli's dressing room...wait a minute...O_o ...Oh, god...*faints*_

"I have already told you thees! 'Ow many times must-a I say eet? I _do_ not want-a zat leet-el _tod _to be on-a ze stage weeth me!" a woman yelled in a combination of a really bad French accent and an even worse (if that was even _possible)_ Italian accent, resulting in one big accent of _blegh!_

In their shared hiding spot, Maggie and Bree were wide-eyed. "Wow," Bree whispered to Maggie. "When I suggested we annoy her, I knew she'd be bad, but not _this _bad!"

"Beware the Gudiccelli, my pretty," Maggie replied, "beware the Gudiccelli."

"And you two!" Carlotta snapped, whirling on them. They were disguised as a pair of maids/handmaidens/ladies-in-waiting/whatever term Carlotta used for the women who followed her around and tended to her every whim.

Their eyes got even wider, which they didn't think was possible.

"You two are-a useless! What are you-a doing, just-a standeeng zere like zat-a? Geet to work, _now! _You go and bring-a me my doggies!" she snapped at Maggie.

"You," she said, pointing to Bree as Maggie rushed off to find Carlotta's "doggies."

"Bring me sometheeng to drink-a!" she yelled, rolling the "r" in "bring."

As Bree left to find Carlotta something to drink, a smile slowly spread over her face. This was perfect! Carlotta had just _given _her the perfect opportunity to play their first prank and didn't even know it!

"_She's practically handing it to us on a silver platter!" _Bree thought excitedly as she turned a corner.

"_I can't believe she's _actually _that stupid! She didn't even give us a second glance! Then again, she probably doesn't pay much attention to what every single one of her handmaidens or whatever they are look like. She is Carlotta, after all. But still! This unbelievable! We were actually able to pass ourselves off as two of those girls and nobody even did a double take at either one of us! This is incredible! Oh, this'll be fun! And maybe even easier than I thought..."_

_

* * *

Meanwhile, in a seemingly random underground cave beneath the Opera House..._

"I just don't get why _I_ have to be the dumb phantom!" Fiyero complained for at least the tenth time while Glinda worked on applying stage make-up to one half of his face and Linda wandered around trying to find something that was crucial for the plan to work.

"_Because," _Linda said irritably as she dug through the contents of an old trunk she'd found. "You're the only guy here! It's called _Phantom_ of the Opera for a reason, Fiyero! If the Phantom was a girl, then not only would _Raoul_ have to be one, too, but that means that _Christine_ would have to be a dude! All their names would have to be totally changed! Plus, Phantom of the Opera just sounds way better than Phantom_ess _of the Opera, don'tchya think? Also, having two girls fight over a guy just doesn't really have the same effect as two guys fighting over a girl. People aren't as interested and the story's just not very good, period."

Fiyero scrunched up his face. _"Genderbending?"_ he said. "Ew! No way!"

"_Exactly," _Linda said, closing the trunk as she stood up.

"Fiyero, stop that! Get that look off your face, it's making me screw up!" Glinda demanded. Fearing for his _real_ face, he obeyed.

"I've never understood the whole appeal of that genderbending thing," Fiyero commented, closing his eyes in order to allow Glinda easier access to the back of his eyelid.

"Yeah, me neither," Linda replied as she looked underneath a small table.

"What's even the point?" he asked. Linda shrugged, then remembered his eyes were closed and he couldn't see her. "Not sure. Same as other stuff like that, I guess."

"You mean Mary Sues?"

"Pretty much, yeah. Maggie's not a big fan of it, either. Never writes about it, totally avoids _reading_ anything involving it...It's sort of like...Well, y'know how she gets about Gloq and Gelphie and basically any pairing that isn't either Bessa or Fiyeraba?"

"Yeah?"

"Pretty much the same thing, only instead of just plain horrified, she gets horrified _and_ a really awkward feeling."

"I don't blame her."

"Amen to that, bruthuh." Linda said, holding out her fist for a knuckle touch now that Fiyero's eyes were open. He grinned (but not so much that Glinda started complaining she was messing up his make-up) and bumped his fist with hers.

"Done!" Glinda said as she straightened up, make-up compact in hand. "Is that what we needed, or should I do some experimenting and see what else I can come up with?" she asked, turning to Linda for approval.

The young fan fic writer stood in front of Fiyero and examined his face. "No," she replied, shaking her head as a smile slowly began to spread over her own face.

She crossed her arms and put on hand on her chin thoughtfully.

"No, this is...this is fantastic, it's perfect..." She started nodding. "Oh yeah," she said, "this is gonna work..." She trailed off, biting the corner of her lower lip, a wry smile on her face.

* * *

Meanwhile, somewhere else in the Opera House...

Maggie had changed out of her handmaiden/whatever those chicks were costume and was back in her regular clothes yet again. She took off her grey Abercrombie zip up hoodie and tied it around her waist, a ponytail holder clenched between her teeth.

She grabbed the ponytail holder and pulled her hair into a low ponytail that began at the nape of her neck and looked over her shoulder at Rylee and Elphaba.

"Ready?" she said in a voice that was half-whisper. "Ready," the other two said. "'Kay. Just listen and wait for the cue." They nodded. Maggie turned her attention back to the stage below her.

They were in what was basically a crawlspace directly above the stage, just behind the top of the curtains and underneath the catwalk.

Maggie was fully aware of the fact that the dangerously high up wooden catwalk above her was the same place that Joseph Bouque-or however his name was spelled (she never was entirely sure)-had been killed.

As she watched everything happening on the stage, she thought of what Joseph had said the day a background had fallen on top of Carlotta, resulting in Christine taking the lead role in that night's opera and setting off the chain of events that had ended with 'the Great Disaster.'

_"But if there _is_...Well then...Musta been a ghost..."_

_Musta been a ghost. _Those were the words that echoed in Maggie's head, repeating themselves over and over like a broken record, as she watched the action below her.

She sighed quietly. "Keep your hand at the level of your eye..." she whispered softly to herself, low enough that neither Elphaba nor Rylee heard.

Bree, however, was another story.

By some strange coincidence, the last words had left Maggie's lips just as Elphaba was leaving to go to her next post and Bree was coming up to join the other two girls for the next part of their plan.

And Bree heard.

Crawling on her hands and knees (it was a surprisingly small crawlspace, preventing them from standing up to their full height without hitting their heads on the ceiling), Bree settled herself down next to Maggie.

"What was that?" she whispered, pushing some of her tangled blonde hair out of her eyes. Maggie's eyes darted quickly from the stage to Bree and back. "Huh? Oh, um, nothing."

Bree smiled. "It's not 'nothing,' Mags. It's never just 'nothing.' Not with you." Maggie returned the smile. "You know me too well," she whispered.

"I'll tell you later. After this." she said finally, nodding to everything beneath them. Bree nodded and both girls distracted themselves with watching the stage and waiting for their cue.

Finally, after what felt like ages, it came.

Carlotta was almost directly below them in down center.

The perfect position.

Rylee, who had been sitting against the wall doodling on her shoes and jeans with a sharpie that-by some strange but very convenient coincidence-she'd found in her pocket, looked up when she heard Carlotta sing/say a specific word.

She put the cap back on the sharpie and shoved it back into the pocked she'd found it hiding in and scramble-crawled as quickly and quietly as she could manage over to her friends.

"Did she say it?" Rylee asked. She'd thought she'd heard correctly, but wasn't sure because of not only Carlotta's insane accent, but also her terrible singing.

Maggie nodded. "That was it." She grabbed a walkie-talkie sitting on the ground next to her knee. She spoke into with a thick country accent. "Breaker, breaker, one-nine, talk to me, come on."

She held it so that they could all hear the response. At first they got nothing but static, but then, a voice crackled over the white noise in reply. _"Cop-" _it said. They recognized the voice as Linda's.

"_-in position...-ive the...-ime yet?" _Linda said, the static cutting her off frequently, telling them that either reception in the Populaire was (impossibly) worse than Carlotta's singing, or one of the walkie-talkies was on the wrong channel.

"Linda," Maggie said into it, "Linda what channel is your LBD on?"

"LBD" stood for "Little Baby Droid," which was their coded way of saying "walkie-talkie."

"_Uh..." _Linda replied. _"Le...-check..." _

After a moment, they heard more static, followed by some crackling and a few thumps, then Linda's voice came through the speaker clear and unhindered by anything.

"_Sorry," _she said, _"Fiyero or Glinda must've gotten to it while I had my back turned and accidentally changed the channel. Won't happen again. Is it time, did she say it?"_

"Yeah, just now. You guys ready?"

_"We thought you'd never ask!"_

"Awesome! Commence operation 'Colorful Carlotta' in T-minus sixty seconds. Go."

Bree pushed a button on the stopwatch hanging around her neck while Maggie and Rylee turned around to get something.

Each girl had a can of paint, and Maggie had an extra, which she handed to Bree. She held out her hand to Rylee, who placed a pair of can openers in it, then pulled out her own. Maggie gave one of them to Bree.

They jabbed the blades of the can openers into the lids and started sawing through. Rylee was the first to pry hers open, revealing fresh, glistening neon pink paint inside. "Sweet," she whispered. "It matches my shoes...sort of," she tacked on, glancing at her neon _green _(not pink) pair of Converse shoes. Grinning mischievously, Maggie nodded. "Exactly." she said.

Bree got hers open next. She grinned broadly at the neon orange paint inside. "Maggie," she whispered, "are we gonna do what I think we're gonna do?"

"Oh yeah," Maggie said, yanking her own can open and showing off yet another neon color; yellow.

"They look like highlighters," Rylee said. "I know," Maggie replied.

"_Alpha to Omega, come in Omega, do you copy?" _Linda's voice asked from the LBD. Bree grabbed it. "Linda," she whispered into it. "We already agreed not to use those codenames! Remember?"

"_Yeah, but I just like saying it." _Maggie and Bree rolled their eyes and looked at each other. Eventually, Maggie held her hand out and Bree placed the walkie-talkie in her palm.

"Linda," she said, "be serious here. Is Fiyero in position?"

"_We all are, We've _been _in position for the last thirty minutes."_

"Does he know his lines?"

"_Yes, he knows his lines. We just went over them for what has to be the fifteenth time."_

"Good. All systems go in five...four...three...two..."

The stopwatch went off. It beeped for ten seconds, then fell silent.

They waited.

"Come on, come on..." Maggie whispered so softly that she could barely even hear herself.

There was a pause in the action below-for suspenseful effect to the storyline of the opera being performed-and the crowd seemed to be holding its breath.

Everything was dead silent.

...

Then it came.

"_WHERE ARE MY TWENTY THOUSAND FRANCS?"_

Fiyero's voice echoed through out the entire theater, amplified by the microphone attached to the collar of his shirt and the speakers the group had hidden all around the room, mounted in high up, virtually unreachable places.

Unreachable...

...unless you had a flying broom...

...and magic bubble.

"_CARLOTTA GUDICCELLI,"_ he said, _"YOU MUST PAY THE PRICE!"_

The smiles on the girls' faces were slowly growing with each passing moment.

"WHAT-A ARE YOU TALKEENG ABOUT-A?" Carlotta yelled. "I _DO_ NOT-A 'AVE TWEN-TEE THOUSAND-A FRANCS!"

"_THEN YOU MUST SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!"_

"Now!" Maggie whispered.

"WHAT CONSEQUEN-"

Carlotta was cut off abruptly by a full gallon of neon paint falling from above...

...and onto her...

...covering her from head to toe in bright.

Neon.

Colors.

Carlotta screamed at the top of her lungs.

Maggie turned to Bree.

"Happy birthday, Bree."

* * *

**AN: Happy birthday, Bree. I know I'm a few days late, but happy birthday. I hope you like this chapter. Want me to keep going, or is this enough? :) **

**Kudos to anyone who can guess what Linda was looking for that was "crucial for the plan to work" while she and Fiyero were talking during his transformation into the Phantom! Hint: "Masquerade! Paper faces on parade! Masquerade! Hide your face so the world will never find you!" First person to guess gets some sort of prize, but I'm not sure what yet. Promise it'll be good though! Not to brag or anything, but I'm really creative with all sorts of crap, I'm sure I can come up with something.**

**xoxo,**

**Maggie & the Gang**

**Disclaimer: Me, Linda, Rylee, & Bree: HEY CARLOTTA!**

**Carlotta: WHAT DO YOU WANT-A?**

**Linda: Do I own you?**

**Me: Wait a second, why would anybody actually WANT to own Carlotta?**

**Bree: Yeah, she's loud, obnoxious, self-centered, can't keep her mouth shut, not to mention her singing...**

**Rylee: *shudders***

**Carlotta: I am owned by-a nobody but mah-self-a! **

**...**

**Us: Good!**

**...**

**Us: HEY ELPHABA!**

**Elphie: SWEET OZ, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU FOUR?**

**Me: Huh?**

**Elphie: You're always yelling or making some sort of noise, you can't keep quiet for two seconds!**

**Bree: *crosses arms* Look who's talking.**

**Elphie: Uh...pardon?**

**Linda: Like you're any better, Miss Moans-a-Lot.**

**Elphie: I honestly have no clue-**

**Bree: (imitating Elphie) Oh, Yero! Oh, ooooh! **

**Rylee: (joining in) Oh, yes! Yes, it feels so good! More, I need more! *starts moaning dramatically***

***rest of us start moaning along with her & being overly dramatic***

**Elphie: *blushes...big time* ...NO YOU DO NOT OWN ME, FIYERO, OR GLINDA!**

**Us: (disappointed) Aaaaaaaaawwwwww!  
**


End file.
